3 more sleeps to another BFP please Lucky!!
I've been really naughty and not updated this for 4days now - tut tut Boo!! I originally was coming on here in the evening and go through the symptoms I've had throughout the day and what I had been up to. But for the last few days I've been soooo tired I haven't got around to it. So thought I do it in the morning and see how it goes.
Back to work tomorrow, can't say these last 2weeks have gone quickly... seems to have dragged. I'm sure if I was laying in the Maldives sipping strawberry daiquiri's it would have gone quickly (well I can only dream eh!!)
Okay confession time - my last blog I was down in the dumps and emotional as we did a test that day and it was a BFN. Don't really know why we tested to be honest... just did it for the sake of it, especially as I found out that my AF was due on Saturday 6th - 4 days before OTD! and was scared I wouldn't even get the chance to POAS, also wanted to see if the trigger shot was in my system... Dan didn't take the BFN too well at all, as you know he didn't want me to test early; not because he knows the reasons against testing early... just because the clinic said to test on 10th March, therefore there is obviously a reason why they said that... so can we just leave it till then. Well I couldn't!!
After Wednesday my symptoms disappeared! Was it because I had the BFN and the symptoms were all in my mind???! I don't know... but i felt nothing. No cramps for hours, just a few twinges now and then, no back pains, but sore boobs yes and very very emotional!! Did have a lovely dream that I was pregnant, that cheered me up
Yesterday I was getting ready for a lovely relaxing lukewarm-cold bath (NOT!) when I noticed brown-reddy stringy blood in my knickers!! It hadn't felt it like a normal period.. but after all these drugs anything is possible. After remembering my AF was due today I presumed it was all over. Topped the bath up with some warm water to help ease the pains I was expecting and had a little cry that it was all over. IVF isn't something we will be continuing forever and a day, saving every penny we have or remortgaging our home for. I hated the way the drugs made me feel, and i hated the fact that i had to put myself through all this in the first place! So, if this cycle didn't work we wasn't 100% sure if or when we would continue ... so this could be our only chance of a biological child (we'd adopt and foster in a heartbeat)... and thats whats hurt the most.. that it was all over!! Thought how upset my Nan would be... you'd think I was her only grandchild but she has 52 grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but I know shes been praying like her life is at stake for us to have twins (yea I know I had SET which i have explained to her 100 times, but she is adament that i will have twins!)
I tried not to get too upset about it and not to blame God no matter how much i prayed, I also asked for a healthy baby... so maybe there was something wrong... and it wasn't meant to be, so no point in crying anymore over it!! Dried myself off and put a santiary towel, curled up in bed and hoped I could get some sleep before these god awful pains started. Couldn't sleep... no matter what I did!! After 5-6hrs I checked my knickers and only had a spot of blood...
A couple of ladies mentioned on FF whether I was sure it was an AF, which I thought they were just trying to be nice at first... but then i remembered Dan reading the leaflet Nurture gave me about Post Egg Transfer and the possible bleed. I had enough HPTs so I thought it won't harm POAS and seeing what happens.. It can't be worse news than I already expect!
So you do the business... and I swear this was the longest time ever, but there was 2 lines I'm sure I started shaking. It took me as surprise, couldn't believe it. Called Dan about 5 times... (urg, why are men so deaf when they are watching football!). At this point I hadn't told him about the blood earlier... just couldn't face telling him.. So ended up going down the stairs and realising he was asleep on the sofa with the football blaring from the TV. Half asleep I'm trying to explain to him about the blood and now this BFP!
We have 2 HPTs left, so will test on Monday then the OTD Wednesday. Praying with all our might that Lucky is comfortable and stays with us. If so, will book a few hours off work on Friday and go to the EPU (due to the ecoptic pregnancy and blood clotting, I have a joys of weekly scans and bloods straight after a BFP.....). It will a LONG 8months, but i really don't care.. just pray I Lucky stays inside me for the next 8months; just stay growing inside me - please no more heartache!
Lucky, your still in there!! Not sure what the bleed was; implantation/break through.. but it was little shock for mummy. Thought you had gone!! Phew... just make yourself comfortable please... a lot of people are waiting for you to make an appearance. Soooo please please please stick with me. Me and daddy can't wait to tell the family about you on Mummys 26th birthday... I love you so much. Every time i look at that BFP and you as a blast it puts the biggest smile on mummys face EVER...
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