Sunday, 21 March 2010

1 More Sleep Till We See Lucky - Pray your with us

I have been very naughty and not been updating my blog very well since the BFP mainly because I've been back at work and soo sooo tired!!

To be honest its just worry worry worry... when does it end??!

Went to get my hcg beta's done with Nurture last Monday then repeated them on Wednesday - all was well. They doubled!!! 2243 then 4402..... well done Lucky! Consultant was happy with the result and the levels were high enough to have a scan earlier. But to be honest I was thinking it would be best to wait till the original scan date just to ensure the heartbeat is there - don't fancy any heartache and extra worry of not seeing a heartbeat.

We are going to the EPU tomorrow as I've previously had an ectopic pregnancy and this scan will check where Lucky is growing!! Am I nervous? Yes!! Emotions started last night.... had a major panic attack and cried myself to sleep. Never had a positive scan result and really nervous, worried, paraiod - all rolled into one. There are so many pregnancies with our families and friends at the moment... all 'normal' couples and 'normal' pregnancies. No IVF No Protein C Deficiency... Just have sex and give birth! Why is life so bloody difficult?

Right I best change the subject before this turns into a rant!

Symptom-wise, i've been having lower back aches and tummy cramps which have been getting less frequent but the horrible taste in my mouth has been increasing!! Its worse when I'm travelling. No matter whether i'm driving, on the tram or bus I feel like im going to be sick... Found that keeping the windows down whilst in the car helps, and the only way I cope on public transport is getting off half way through the journey to get some fresh air then getting back on.. No sickness or vomit but just feel like i'll going to...

No cravings or anything like that! Lucky, if you fancy giving mummy a craving I love a creamy calorific chicken korma with a keema nan ... or chinese food... nothing healthy sweetie, lol!!

Lucky, you did us so proud knowing the beta's have doubled!! It was a little milestone for us. Hope your still there and doing well. Mummy and daddy have been counting down till the scan date. As soon as we wake we say "X more days till we see Lucky!" This morning daddy stayed with Nanny Harris' house so we did it via text... finally its "1 more sleep till we see Lucky". Please please be there for us....

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Official Test Day - OMG It's A BFP!!

Yesterday I woke at 4:30 busting to go to the loo. Dan wanted to read the test result first which I was happy with, so I did the pee and left it standing up in the bathroom then rolled back into bed.

Seemed like forever but he finally got up to check the result. Laid in bed waiting for him to say something... anything!! But no, he just started peeing!! lol.

Came back to bed and went to hug me saying 'Maybe next time Boo!' All I remember saying is 'What, Oh No!' Went to grab the HPT and then he had this huge grin on his face.... 'Its worked!!'

I was soo soo happy for him. Yesterday he was researching into faint BFPs, and questioning why our previous test wasn't as dark as the one advertised on the First Response Box. But the OTD HPT was perfect 2 'proper' lines

We only had a quick cuddle and Dan had to get up to get ready for work. I laid smiling to myself in bed hearing him singing from the bathroom to the bedroom then the kitchen... "Tonight's Going To Be A Good Night" by Black Eyed Peas. This song will always put a massive smile on my face. Contacted Nurture with the test result and they booked me to have my 7 week scan on 2nd April. However, this morning they called saying its Good Friday and they are closed, so my appt is now 31st March... praying for a lovely strong heartbeat!

Lucky, Your our little blessing, you will never know how happy you have made you us. We love you soo soo much!! Hang in there for us!! 3 weeks until we see you and your a nice strong heartbeat xoxo

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

10 Days Post Blast Transfer - #2 BFP

Wooooop - 1 more sleep till Offical Test Day!! - 2 BFPs so far, please stay with us Lucky!!
Wow... finally its the night before OTD!! It seems to have going on for ages!! Ugh!
Still been having the strange spotting... but we did test on Monday and had another BFP, so hopefully everything will be okay and Lucky is still in there snug, and the spotting is because he is making himself nice and comfortable.
Feeling really excited about tomorrow... Hoping and praying for the best!!
Lucky, hope your still nice and snug with me... It will make mummy and daddy's day... (or even year!!) to know you are still there. Love you soooo much!! Stay with us please. xx

Sunday, 7 March 2010

8 Days Post Blast Egg Transfer - #1 BFP!

3 more sleeps to another BFP please Lucky!!

I've been really naughty and not updated this for 4days now - tut tut Boo!! I originally was coming on here in the evening and go through the symptoms I've had throughout the day and what I had been up to. But for the last few days I've been soooo tired I haven't got around to it. So thought I do it in the morning and see how it goes.

Back to work tomorrow, can't say these last 2weeks have gone quickly... seems to have dragged. I'm sure if I was laying in the Maldives sipping strawberry daiquiri's it would have gone quickly (well I can only dream eh!!)

Okay confession time - my last blog I was down in the dumps and emotional as we did a test that day and it was a BFN. Don't really know why we tested to be honest... just did it for the sake of it, especially as I found out that my AF was due on Saturday 6th - 4 days before OTD! and was scared I wouldn't even get the chance to POAS, also wanted to see if the trigger shot was in my system... Dan didn't take the BFN too well at all, as you know he didn't want me to test early; not because he knows the reasons against testing early... just because the clinic said to test on 10th March, therefore there is obviously a reason why they said that... so can we just leave it till then. Well I couldn't!!

After Wednesday my symptoms disappeared! Was it because I had the BFN and the symptoms were all in my mind???! I don't know... but i felt nothing. No cramps for hours, just a few twinges now and then, no back pains, but sore boobs yes and very very emotional!! Did have a lovely dream that I was pregnant, that cheered me up

Yesterday I was getting ready for a lovely relaxing lukewarm-cold bath (NOT!) when I noticed brown-reddy stringy blood in my knickers!! It hadn't felt it like a normal period.. but after all these drugs anything is possible. After remembering my AF was due today I presumed it was all over. Topped the bath up with some warm water to help ease the pains I was expecting and had a little cry that it was all over. IVF isn't something we will be continuing forever and a day, saving every penny we have or remortgaging our home for. I hated the way the drugs made me feel, and i hated the fact that i had to put myself through all this in the first place! So, if this cycle didn't work we wasn't 100% sure if or when we would continue ... so this could be our only chance of a biological child (we'd adopt and foster in a heartbeat)... and thats whats hurt the most.. that it was all over!! Thought how upset my Nan would be... you'd think I was her only grandchild but she has 52 grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but I know shes been praying like her life is at stake for us to have twins (yea I know I had SET which i have explained to her 100 times, but she is adament that i will have twins!)

I tried not to get too upset about it and not to blame God no matter how much i prayed, I also asked for a healthy baby... so maybe there was something wrong... and it wasn't meant to be, so no point in crying anymore over it!! Dried myself off and put a santiary towel, curled up in bed and hoped I could get some sleep before these god awful pains started. Couldn't sleep... no matter what I did!! After 5-6hrs I checked my knickers and only had a spot of blood...

A couple of ladies mentioned on FF whether I was sure it was an AF, which I thought they were just trying to be nice at first... but then i remembered Dan reading the leaflet Nurture gave me about Post Egg Transfer and the possible bleed. I had enough HPTs so I thought it won't harm POAS and seeing what happens.. It can't be worse news than I already expect!

So you do the business... and I swear this was the longest time ever, but there was 2 lines I'm sure I started shaking. It took me as surprise, couldn't believe it. Called Dan about 5 times... (urg, why are men so deaf when they are watching football!). At this point I hadn't told him about the blood earlier... just couldn't face telling him.. So ended up going down the stairs and realising he was asleep on the sofa with the football blaring from the TV. Half asleep I'm trying to explain to him about the blood and now this BFP!

We have 2 HPTs left, so will test on Monday then the OTD Wednesday. Praying with all our might that Lucky is comfortable and stays with us. If so, will book a few hours off work on Friday and go to the EPU (due to the ecoptic pregnancy and blood clotting, I have a joys of weekly scans and bloods straight after a BFP.....). It will a LONG 8months, but i really don't care.. just pray I Lucky stays inside me for the next 8months; just stay growing inside me - please no more heartache!

Lucky, your still in there!! Not sure what the bleed was; implantation/break through.. but it was little shock for mummy. Thought you had gone!! Phew... just make yourself comfortable please... a lot of people are waiting for you to make an appearance. Soooo please please please stick with me. Me and daddy can't wait to tell the family about you on Mummys 26th birthday... I love you so much. Every time i look at that BFP and you as a blast it puts the biggest smile on mummys face EVER...

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

4 days Post Blast Transfer

*MILESTONE* 7days - 1 week to Official Test Day!!

Today has been the worse day so far. I'd like to think I've been pretty positive and confident throughout this cycle, but today I've felt like its been a struggle.

Emotions have gone haywire. Crying over the most stupid thing - too embarrassed to share. You will honestly think I am a fruitloop if i told you.

With emotions like this its usually a MAJOR sign AF is arriving... So I went onto to check when exactly my AF is due - SATURDAY 6th... When I saw that my PMA has gone straight out of the window!!

Dragged one my coat and popped off to Boots to stock up on the HPT. I would feel more cheated if I don't even get to test before shes arrives!!

So all in all a crappy emotional day.


  • Sore Boobs - getting use to it!!

  • 2hours of cramps this morning. But that was it for the day

  • Emotions gone haywire!!

Lucky, I do hope your still here. This is such an emotional rollercoaster, sweetie. Coming on this blog and seeing you as a 5day blast reminded me to stay positive. We'd be the happiest couple ever to know you're still with us...... Pray you are.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

3 Days Post Blast Transfer (pic of 5 day hatching blast aka Lucky)

8 more sleeps till Official Test Day!!! - Woooo Hooo

I woke up with Dan this morning at 4:30 and by 5 the cramps started. There was no way I could just go back to sleep with them so I ended up going downstairs and watched GMTV (very boring today!!). Thankfully the cramps stopped about 9 ish. Only to start again an hour or so later. So they are definitely lasting a lot longer now!! Had a few weird 'twinges' which I haven't experienced before, but the best word to describe it is a twinge that went from the right side over to the left side.. Didn't hurt or anything.. but happened twice. Strange.. maybe its nothing, but with this 2ww you end up over analysing anything!!

I have still been really wanting a picture of Lucky, so thought I'd call the Embryologist and ask if they had picture. She said she will email me a picture of Lucky after lunch time!! Exciting or what!! I was obviously checking the iPhone every hour from 10am although she obviously said after lunch. I had a few moments of excitement when I saw I had a new email but it was either Dan or my Mum!!! promised I received THEE email..

This is our Lucky!! A beautiful 5 day hatching blast - We love you sooo much, Lucky!! I can't stop smiling whenever I see this picture

  • Sore boobs

  • Cramps - lasting 2+ hours with weird twinges

Lucky, I'm hoping all these cramps are a positive thing and your settling into your new home. Daddy has been making me laugh so much since he came home from work... i hope i haven't been unsettling you!! He can be so silly at times...

Monday, 1 March 2010

2 Days Post Blast Transfer

9 more sleeps until "Official Test Day!" - can't wait to see that line Lucky... you'll make mummy and daddy very happy

What a lovely day today was! Woke up with the sun streaming into the bedroom... 1st March - is this the sign of spring?? I do hope so.

Still haven't been out of the house since I brought Lucky. Decided I am taking the 'resting' to another level and its time to get out of the house. Organised to meet a friend for lunch - but couldn't find my keys - urgh!! Maybe there's a reason and I need an extra day at home.

Just potter around the house and went out in the garden.. surprisingly it was lovely a warm. Okay it is not shorts and t-shirt weather yet, but with the constant snow and recent rainy spell we had... this weather is pretty good!!

Called Nurture as I wasn't 100% sure about how I was injecting the Clexane.. seems like i'm doing everything right, so that's good!

  • Sore boobs - as before!!
  • Constant cramps - not as sharp as yesterday. More of a dull ache... lasted for a good hour.

Lucky, we love you lots. Hope you liked daddy talking to you today and his kiss. He's promised me a massage tonight, then I'll listen to some Zita West so we'll get a nice relaxing sleep... hope your nice and snug in there.